About This Weekend

What you missed this weekend while creating entirely new levels of hyperbole.

• They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, “Noooo. Noooo… Fine. Packing his glove, his cleats and his 5.58 ERA, Chris Volstad headed to Triple-A New Orleans this weekend to try and fix whatever it is that’s been broken. Now, I don’t claim to know everything about baseball, but I’m pretty sure the answer to Volstad’s problem doesn’t involve shorter fences.

• I told you I was trouble. You know that I’m no good. Except for Sunday, when John Buck drove in the go-ahead run in the Marlins 5-4 victory over the Mets. But, yeah, other than that, we kinda know that he’s no good.

• Over futile odds and laughed at by the gods… and bloggers. Emilio Bonifacio continues to prove us all wrong, running his hit streak to 23 games and ensuring that there’s no way this team will ever get rid of him. Ever. No matter how much I beg. When the meteor eventually hits and humans go the way of the dinosaur, Emilio will be the surviving cockroach. I’m sure of it.